I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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