i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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