my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
