i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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