Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
