It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
