I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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