in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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