I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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