dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
