just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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