what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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