If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
