Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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