I love black thongs
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
