I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
