I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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