Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
