I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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