I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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