Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
