Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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