I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
