Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
