Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
