I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
