You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
