I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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