Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
