Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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