dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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