How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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