he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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