Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
