so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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