His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
