You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
