FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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