When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
lol hangovers are for mortals.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
