worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize