The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
