I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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