I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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