I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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