WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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