if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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