apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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