why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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