Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize