Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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