Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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