If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize