Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
