just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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