remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
