help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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