She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
