Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im holly from the hills drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
