i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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