Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
