I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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