It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
