people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
