3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the liver wants what the liver wants
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
