Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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