I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize